Most people will tell you that being articulate is the key to being a great communicator. As a professional life coach, I stress to my clients that being a good listener is equally important. Still, even a coach like myself can forget, from time to time, just how powerful it is to simply listen. I received a rather pointed wake-up call on the subject not too long ago. It was during what might have otherwise been an ugly incident, but which turned out to be a great moment between two old friends. In that conversation, I learned more about the power of listening then I have from any book.

It was at a recent family get-together that I encountered a distant cousin of mine. Growing up, we saw each other very little, but, as we were about the same age, we would always find each other at extended family functions and invariably hit it off. He was a good friend even though we only ever saw each other once or twice a year. Of course, in time, it was only natural that we would grow
apart, and it became harder and harder to bond with him the same way we did as kids. Eventually, he stopped attending family functions altogether and I almost forgot about him until a few months ago, when, at just such a gathering, I spied him standing alone in the corner, nursing a scotch and water. I decided to go up to him and say hello.

He barely found the energy to smile as we shook hands. We started up with the usual small talk, until suddenly, for what appeared to be no good reason, he became terse and defensive, even a bit rude. I didn't know how to take it at first, so I pretended not to notice and tried to change the subject. But then he got short with me again, and I could see anger rising up in his eyes. It seemed like there was just no pleasing this guy. He was just being foul-tempered and that was that.

Naturally, I was incensed. Just what the heck was this guy's problem, anyway? And why was he taking it out on me? Why doesn't he show a little respect for others? Why did he even bother to show up today if he was just going to be a jerk? I had every right to return his anger with a little bit of my own pent-up frustrations, and I was sorely tempted to give to him with both barrels. But, for some reason, I caught myself. I just decided to let it all slide Then something happened that left me amazed.

When you are prepared to really listen, your silence will speak louder then words.

My cousin's mood didn't change, but he stopped directing his rage at me and started to open up about his life. Things were not going very well for him in his business, and he admitted that his marriage was on the rocks. He told me he felt like he was on the verge of losing everything he ever worked for and wanted in life, and I could tell that it was breaking his heart. We talked for another hour until he excused himself from the party and went on his way. Before we parted, he gave me a sturdy handshake, looked me the eye and said, ”Thanks.” It was like we had never stopped being friends.

I was dumb-founded, like I had seen a tornado whip by me, destroying everything in its path, but leaving me untouched. I believe I made a difference in my cousin's life, and all I did was listen to what he had to say. I didn't give him any advice, I didn't point out his faults, try to “correct” his behavior or “fix” his life. I just gave him my full attention, tried not to judge what I heard, and tried not to
get too sucked into his drama. I can't really say if everything he told me was 100% accurate, or even if it was mostly a fiction. That doesn't matter. What matters is that he felt heard, and, as such, he felt a little less isolated in his own unhappy life. That's the power of listening: it can heal us from the crippling fears of living out our lives in bitter, unloved loneliness

I can't say that simply being a good listener will save you from the abuses of all the grouchy people you meet, or that they will all open up to you when you try to hear them out. But, with practice, as your listening skills improve, you may discover that you have a lot to offer the world as a healer and as someone who can relieve suffering in others. And there are few things as powerful as that in
this world. When you are prepared to really listen, your silence will speak louder then words.

Michael McGauley, B.A., DTM, is a motivational speaker, seminar leader and personal coach. He is the President and
founder of The Dream Builders Inc., a company that delivers workshops and seminars across North America with the
mission to help companies and individuals in their quest for excellence. For additional articles or to book Michael for your next event,
visit www.thedreambuildersinc.com, email mike@thedreambuildersinc.com, or call 1-866-878-8289